[repost] Cancer for Dummies: Rule#1 'live by the hour'
Reposted from denisetam.webs.com on January 15, 2010 Those who know me well, know that I'm a planner. I 'plan to plan', says my friend Beccy, and I have every detail of my day and sometimes week spelt out.
This past week has been a little rough. After having an energy filled weekend of fun and good food, I woke up Monday morning to fatigue, Tuesday and Wednesday morning to a brutal headache, Thursday morning to a packed day of doctor visits and no sleep the night before and Friday morning to a bad cough.
It was difficult to cope with because I didn't expect it. I expected my week to be like my weekend, so I scheduled lunches and tea with friends, told myself I could get some work done at home and looked forward to a quick recovery from my first chemo treatment. To say the least, my week has looked and felt nothing like what I imagined. In fact, emotionally and mentally it's been tougher since this 'low' after a "high" was unforeseen in my scheduled forecast.
I've learned that I can no longer plan my days, let alone weeks and that I just have to take each day or hour as it comes along. Expecting nothing, but be prepared for the rain. It's been a little hard not to plan as it's in my nature to, but at the same time it's also been a little bit liberating. Going to bed not knowing whether I will wake up wanting to just stare at my wall and feel sorry for myself or go out and mingle with the rest of the world has highlighted to me how our lives are completely out of our control. (I don't even know whether I will actually sleep when I go to bed at night!)
This week has been a lesson from God, teaching me to
1) stop planning my life out, because He has bigger and greater plans for me
2) let go and just go with the flow (literally)
3) to work on allowing God to take control of my life and giving up my worries to Him
4) enjoy each day/hour
5) to savor each moment i'm feeling good