The Cancer Journey: A reminder from above...
Reposted from denisetam.webs.com January 29, 2010
My day was typical; early morning scramble, Vitamin C & Sodium bicarbonate cocktail mid afternoon, followed by lunch and the long trek to see my Chinese doctor. The day passed before us. Before we knew it, it was nearly 6 when we finally arrived back home. And by 7:40 I needed to be out of the door again to attend a church service.
Before stepping out again, I took a shower to rejuvenate myself, however it was anything but. As I washed my hair with shampoo and began rinsing it out, I found that my fingers were entangled with hair from my head (more than the usual). I was wondering when this day would come and now that it is nearly one month since my first treatment I thought I had managed to skip this part of the cancer experience. To be clear, my hair is only thinning out and I am not losing it in clumps. But the thought of it all scared me and the only thing I knew to do was pray. I prayed for emotional strength and thanked him for the hair that has been on my head all this time. I jokingly asked Him how many strands of hair I have on my head now before I finished my shower and went on with the night while every so often feeling my hair to see if it got any lighter.
As I entered the church doors and was met with warm hugs from my friends I already felt a sense of worry and fear being lifted from me. It was during songs of praise and songs that reminded me of God’s steadfast love that brought tears to the surface. This past week has been such a blessing from God. I haven’t felt so good in so long and now I was even in church singing without a mask on (b/c of my normal wbc!) At the end of the worship service friends brought me to the front where we knelt before God. They surrounded me, embraced me, prayed for me, cried with me and knelt with me as we asked God for His mercy and thanked Him for his goodness and his greatness. We all felt God right there with us holding us, comforting us and crying with us.
This was his reminder to me. That He is always there with me, carrying me when I’m too weak to go on and leading me when I’m lost and too scared to take another step. He is a constant God, an unchanging one.
His second reminder is that this cancer I’m fighting is about Him and glorifying His name, not mine. It is not about my courage or my pain, rather it is about His awesomeness and His greatness.
As I left the church doors, I realized that the rejuvenation and renewal I was seeking from a shower was found when I went to meet with God.
My prayer is that I will remember these two reminders from above especially in this next week which is expected to come with huge hills and mountains to climb.