The Cancer Journey : My Prayer

Reposted from denisetam.webs.com February 9, 2010

I’m on day 2 of my oral chemo and physically, I’m feeling fine, in fact I’m feeling superb in comparison to my last treatment: little nausea, better appetite, more energy, daily bowel movements (finally)!

Emotionally and mentally I’m not so swell.  I don’t know why and I don’t know or understand what’s triggering it but it can be a multitude of things:

-  The steroids and drugs I’m taking

-  Emotional/mental stress from chemo day

-  The fact that I haven’t had my monthly menstruation for 2 months, going on my 3rd! (Sorry guys!)

-  Talking to more people whose lymphoma has returned after chemo and hearing their courageous but also horrific stories

-  Being on house arrest again after a week of feeling insusceptible, unrestricted and in a way privileged

Whatever it is I’m praying for God to sustain me through this new whirlwind of emotions. My devotion today in Psalm 31 speaks to my current challenges and prayer requests.

 1 In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge;

       let me never be put to shame;

       deliver me in your righteousness.

 2 Turn your ear to me,

       come quickly to my rescue;

       be my rock of refuge,

       a strong fortress to save me.

 3 Since you are my rock and my fortress,

       for the sake of your name lead and guide me.

 4 Free me from the trap that is set for me,

       for you are my refuge.

 5 Into your hands I commit my spirit;

       redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth.

 6 I hate those who cling to worthless idols;

       I trust in the LORD.

 7 I will be glad and rejoice in your love,

       for you saw my affliction

       and knew the anguish of my soul.

 8 You have not handed me over to the enemy

       but have set my feet in a spacious place.

 9 Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;

       my eyes grow weak with sorrow,

       my soul and my body with grief.

 10 My life is consumed by anguish

       and my years by groaning;

       my strength fails because of my affliction,

       and my bones grow weak.

… continue to v.14

 14 But I trust in you, O LORD;

       I say, "You are my God."

 15 My times are in your hands;

       deliver me from my enemies

       and from those who pursue me.

 16 Let your face shine on your servant;

       save me in your unfailing love.

 17 Let me not be put to shame, O LORD,

       for I have cried out to you;

       but let the wicked be put to shame

       and lie silent in the grave. 

 18 Let their lying lips be silenced,

       for with pride and contempt

       they speak arrogantly against the righteous.

 19 How great is your goodness,

       which you have stored up for those who fear you,

       which you bestow in the sight of men

       on those who take refuge in you.

 20 In the shelter of your presence you hide them

       from the intrigues of men;

       in your dwelling you keep them safe

       from accusing tongues.

 21 Praise be to the LORD,

       for he showed his wonderful love to me

       when I was in a besieged city.

 22 In my alarm I said,

       "I am cut off from your sight!"

       Yet you heard my cry for mercy

       when I called to you for help.

 23 Love the LORD, all his saints!

       The LORD preserves the faithful,

       but the proud he pays back in full.

 24 Be strong and take heart,

       all you who hope in the LORD.