The Cancer Journey : Uncertain of Everything...but certain of His Presence (relapse)

Reposted from denisetam.webs.com May 29, 2011 Hello blog, hello reader,

it's been a while since i've had time to really sit down with my thoughts and put them down in writing. 

Life in HK has been keeping me busy (to say the least). Work, my support group, friends, family, church, care group and trying to squeeze in my personal down time has filled my agenda up for most of this year. It's been so great jumping into life and seeing dreams played out in real life. 

My support group, Happy Healing has had several gathering and we've done a multitude of things from laughing yoga, to a full organic Christmas dinner to Mandala art and painting. I've encountered so many cancer patients searching for hope and help and I've been blessed to be able to walk with them, help them and encourage them. It's both fulfilling and discouraging to be in contact with so many cancer patients, but at the end of the day, I know I have an even bigger responsibility to 'empower the sick' (one of our mottos at Happy Healing :-) 

Serving in church in Kid's Club, giving testimonies, offering, communion and organizing social for care group has also not only filled my time but filled my life with joy. My family has grown so much and have been so fortunate to walk deeper and closer with such great sisters and brothers. 

Unfortunately, perhaps I have pushed myself too hard too soon. 

My second PET scan after my last chemo in June 2010 has confirmed that the cancer has relapsed, though ever so mildly in comparison to last times. To get the specifics out of the way, they basically found an enlarged lymph node in my pelvic area as well as several other smaller enlarged lymph nodes in my abdominal area. In order to name the 'stage' of the cancer I will have to do a bone marrow biopsy (yay!) to determine whether it has gone into my marrow or not. 

I've schedule for this biopsy to be on June 7 so I can know what I'm dealing with before I go off to a pre-planned trip to Vancouver, Toronto and Boston in mid June to mid July! 

I have a lot to be thankful for still. The simple fact that I'm not in any pain and have the energy to go to work and live a normal life is enough to be thankful for! But most of all, I'm thankful that God has instilled peace and joy in me despite the circumstances. I no doubt had my times of fear which were met with tears when I first received the news this past Thursday, alone again just like the first time, sititing in the doctor's office in disbelief. But for the most part, I've remained joyful and optimistic. 

Everything is uncertain now, though now that I think about it, nothing is every really certain, whether we are sick or healthy. I guess now it's just all the more apparent haha. The first day or two I struggled with figuring out why? But I realize I will never know why and will just have to trust that it's in God's great plan. 

One thing is for certain however that He calls me and all of us to 'be joyful always, pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances' taken from one of my favourite verses (1 Thess 5:16). And so this is what i shall do in the meantime, as we wait, as I try to do what I can (back to a strict diet, loading up on supplements, etc etc) and as we figure out what route to take in terms of alternative or conventional treatment. 

Would appreciate your prayers and thoughts for my family and I during this time :-) 

with love,

Denise